Heyyyaaaaa!!!!

Have you missed me? I have missed you and this space honestly. I know I’ve been AWOL. To be honest I ran away from here cause life in this last quarter of the year was almost overwhelming but I refused to stay quiet into the new year. So I’m backkkkk. 

So it of course is end of year so yeah end of year post because I’m cheesy and I must do. Also because I like to take stock and plan against the future, and I’ve spent a while doing that. 

So 2017...

I’ve seen so many posts, status updates, tweets, and whatnot about 2017 and for most of it I just couldn’t remember 2017. I kept trying to remember what crossover last year was like, what exactly happened? Honestly I was blank. A friend asked me how 2017 was for me and I was like, “errm I don’t know, I’d have to check”. I meant to check my pictures through the year and try to remember all the events of 2017, I did, i remembered some events but still I felt I needed to check more. So, I dragged out my testimony/thankfulness box and I ran though all the stuff I had penned down through the year, I laughed, smiled and even shook my head at some, but I wasn’t satisfied. I didn’t have that “end of year feeling”. I was asking myself “Pasom what exactly did you accomplish”. I felt... bland. 

The problem was this, I didn’t accomplish much of what I set out to accomplish in 2017. It didn’t go the way I wanted it to go. So many things I wanted to happen didn’t happen. In fact I had so many lows. I found myself weeping more times than I cared to weep. I found myself exhausted a lot of the time, not because of physical things but in other places, especially emotionally. I stood at the threshold of depression and fought a good fight in the battle field of my mind and turned and ran all the way back to my sanity. I was not comfortable sometimes because things were not where I wanted them to be or happening as I thought and planned for them to happen.  So at the end I didn’t feel like 2017 was “lights, camera, action”. I didn’t feel the sparkle of the year, and right there was the problem...

I didn’t feel.

I was waiting to feel. The feeling didn’t come. 

My church usually has a 3 or 2 days end of year prayer prior to crossover. This year it was for two days and during those two days while I was praying the Holy Spirit opened my eyes and finally I remembered 2017. I was too busy counting the things that fell through in my plans despite all my effort to make them happen that I became so blind to all the things that God did for me. Ha! 2017 was a good year. 

My gosh.

I hosted programmes, I graduated from the university, I started a bible study chain, went to fashion school, I got admitted into the Nigerian law school, I had restored relationships, things I prayed for came to pass, I met wonderful people, I faced a lot of fears, I attended awesome programmes and planned many of them too, I learnt so much. In fact a lot of the things that “didn’t happen” for me caused me to moved out of my comfort zone and do many more things. God sent destiny helpers into my life, in fact one particular one has me always asking what I did to deserve this. The things that didn’t work out caused me to learn lessons I didn’t plan to learn, I mean that’s life isn’t it?. Between January and now my perspective on so many things has changed. 

I learnt to let go and let God. This seems to be a lesson I keep learning over and over again. Trying not to hold myself to tightly. By the end of the year I was like “I can’t even come and kill myself, Jesus already died for this”. 

I got so many things I didn’t deserve in 2017. I see myself with so many things so many people want and I know I don’t even deserve them.  The grace of God carried me through 2017.

Did I mention how much love flowed my way this year.  I kept being surprised at it at many points. Like oh wow, me, really??? 

I wish I could list events in detail, just to express how good God has been, how much was given to me, how much I grew, how much I experienced, how much I gained. 

I’m so grateful. Even for the not so good times. 

2017 was a year of so much processing in my life and right here at the edge of crossing over into the new year and I can say that my skin fits better. I’ve grown a lot more into the woman God created me to be, and for that I am grateful. 

If you made it all the way to this part of this post, I hope you had a wonderful 2017, don’t be like me and look at the things that didn’t go right, count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. 

I’d have a new year thread on Twitter between today and tomorrow that you may learn a thing or two from, so follow me @kenosi__ and i hope you find something encouraging.